Being present when I’m present

Sunset - Blog 1

It’s Christmas break. I’m with my family. My mind cannot stop racing. I have a good life. Correction, I have a great life. Great family, great job and everyone is healthy. Why am I not enjoying this moment?

I wish I had a better job, earned a higher salary, wasn’t in debt, bigger house and nicer car. Why are we here in our home, why are we not on a Christmas Ski trip in Aspen?

I think to myself, Aspen, seriously.  I’m the only one who skis.

Are all my thoughts financial? No. I also wish I had a better smile, smaller waist, better relationship with my spouse, family, staff and boss, more time in the day.

Again, the last part of my thoughts puzzles me. What would I do if I had more time? Is there not enough time in the day currently? I have free time now and I am totally wrapped up in the past and future. Missing the beautiful Christmas moments in my home, these exact moments will never happen again.

What can I do to get out of my head…I go to the one thing that never lets me down. My phone. Facebook, Instagram. I breathe a sigh of relief; my thoughts are leaving me. Look at the Christmas photos…giant houses, beautiful decorations, Christmas trees that belong at City Hall, not in someone’s home. Focusing on the material, again missing the point. Focusing on what I don’t have, rather than what I do have.

My bosses home, wow what a family room, I pause for a moment to read what she wrote. She admits to not being perfect and making mistakes. Not regretting the past, but learning from it. She puts it all out there for her followers to see. Everyone. She also acknowledges her family. This is all that’s important.

I like the photo.

I was once told, when I’m in the past, I welcome depression. When I’m in the future, I welcome anxiety. When I’m in the present, I welcome peace.

Today, I choose to welcome peace.

I learn from this Christmas experience and my boss’s words of wisdom. I will do my best for the rest of today, to be present. It’s not my crazy work schedule that is causing issues in my home. Its my struggle to be alone in my thoughts, my discomfort to be present, its too real.

Being uncomfortable is good, it means I’m learning, growing…. maturing.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will get up and fight again.

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